© 2017 by Dreaming in Los Angeles.

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Saying no....

November 3, 2017

“My goal now is to remember every place I've been, only do things I love, and not say yes when I don't mean it”- Sandra Bullock.

 

We may not realize that by saying yes so often and to almost everything we may be doing more harm then good.That is  

why this blog post is important and also something I struggle with. Saying yes to everything has always been a issue of mine. I say yes to things I don't want, say yes to things people sell me when I don't want them (mall vendors lol), I've said yes to relationships I don't want to be in and I've said yes to jobs I don't want. I have said yes to so many things in my 28 years of life without being 100% sure and this has gotten me in trouble. 

 

Why do we say yes when we mean no?

Sometimes we say yes because we don't want to hurt a loved ones feelings or a friend feeling upset. Sometimes we are just raised to believe that being polite is saying yes to things.That leads me to my next point. 

 

Is saying no necessarily negative? 

No saying no is not always negative.It can actually be positive. For example lets say that you set yourself a goal. Your goal is to run 3 day a week minimum and then when day 3 comes around you don't want to go for that run.Saying no to being lazy is not negative at all, quite the contrary its a positive move towards what you want to accomplish. You may think that sometimes you say yes to protect other from negative emotions, but are you protecting yourself ? Or sometimes you say yes to things to protect yourself from negative emotions, but is saying yes really a protection?

 

Saying no protects us. Sometimes we say yes without being quite sure and in turn we place ourselves in uncomfortable situations and sometimes even a more uncomfortable exit from that situation. Let me give you an example. I think I was 20 at the time and I was asked by someone I had not much interest in if I would like to date them. He did these grand gestures just to ask me out and I felt bad declining and convinced myself if I gave it a shot it might be good.Well it did not turn out very well, very shortly into the relationship I kept getting pressured and I felt like I was drowning and my I felt overshadowed a lot. Honestly that took a toll on me emotionally. After the relationship ended I wondered if I could've done things differently. I started doubting myself, which was having a negative effect on myself. This is just one example of how saying yes to things we don't want can cause us a lot of harm. There can be many scenarios and I am sure that you can look back to a moment where you said yes to something you didn't want a part of.

 

I've learned after reading a lot about this that saying no is setting boundaries for your space, your time , your heart and your life in general. I am no way an expert at saying no and that is why I am writing this , because just like me I know lots of us that can benefit from this information. Whether it be in small or big things in life. I've also learned that sometimes we say yes, to please others and as we all know pleasing people is not an easy task. You can be the nicest person and still not please everyone. So saying yes to people please is not a good choice. In fact its proven that people that say no more often and stay true to themselves live more mentally happy lives. Less stress, less anxiety , less worrying about what people think. By no means am I saying that we have to say no to everything. Just say yes to the things you really want , a job you really want , a relationship you really want , hobbies and activities that you really like. 

 

Say YES to things that are important to you and No to those that aren't. 

 

This is my goal. Identifying the reasons why I tend to say yes a lot and to learn to say no. The key is to start small and practice often. I will attach a few links below that can elaborate further on this.

 

Thanks for reading and I hope you learned something from here that can help you.

 

-Cristal Belen 

 

 

Links: 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2015/10/02/three-reasons-you-need-to-say-no-more-often/#3d8beb773ff3

 

https://blog.bufferapp.com/a-scientific-guide-to-saying-no-how-to-avoid-temptation-and-distraction

 

 

 

 

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